Sat 10th & Sunday 11th, October 2009.
I feel as though I have just transitioned from a beautiful labor into an amazing birth! What a Journey! There have been tears of happiness, tears of uncertainty, then more tears of absolute joy and bliss. There has been laughter and the bonding of 16 unique and beautiful women, all through the opening ceremony and birth of the school of Shamanic Midwifery.
What a bond. What a powerful energy that we have co-created. I have no doubt in my soul that our bond through this journey will carry through many lifetimes and it is the foundation for women ahead of us to continue this powerful journey we have begun.
I feel so strongly that we have taken a stand. A stand for a new consciousness, a new way of being in relation to all aspects of pregnancy, labor, birth and beyond. A new consciousness created by the synergy of 16 very powerful women. It is the anchoring of the divine feminine. And I breathe in deeply as I sign with relief that this time has come. I feel as though the universe and the mother are dancing alongside us in true delight.
As the weekend unfolds I see the incredible and important journey that lies ahead. Through my transition I have found a peace and acceptance of what I have promised to our humanity, to women of this lifetime. I feel a deep knowing that the call has been answered. And in the answering I have been gifted 15 other incredible women. The bond that has been created feels amazingly solid. There is an honesty and integrity in all of you that you have shared so openly and for this I am grateful. For in your honesty you have enabled me to see aspects of myself and allowed me great clarity.
My Drum Journey
Yesterday we had the privilege of making a ceremonial drum. Jane took us on a beautiful drum journey. I had no idea the depth and nourishment and power of such an exercise.
When I begun my drum I felt very unsure. Was double-checking everything because there was a memory in me that I had done this before. And I had been told I had done it wrong. I felt I needed some support. I felt a whole energetic process unfolding for me and a need to be midwifed through it. But underlining this I knew that this was my journey, my drum and I should be able to do it alone.
Threading each hole of the Hyde I could hear the drum speaking to me. Telling me to trust the process, giving me insights, unlocking ancient knowledge. But as I looked around me and saw the perfection of other women's drums and how quickly they were working, mine suddenly dulled into comparison. I begun to doubt the process and in reflection of this my drum begun to be threaded in a very unique way. Not at all in the way we were being directed to thread. I saw this as me doing it wrong. So, the moment I stepped out of my drum and compared myself, it changed the essence of my drums integrity.
It soon came to a point where it all became so overwhelming and I realised that I was actually facing the extent of my Lilith chart and my commitment to what I have promised to all women. At this point Jane arrived at my feet and she spoke to me and it all came rushing out. How much I felt confronted by my destiny and how I didn't really know if I could do it. Did I have enough courage? Do I have what it takes? Speaking to Jane my wisdom told me that it would be okay. Jane told me “One step at a time.”
Jane asked me how were my births with my children. And I lit up as I thought of Lucy's birth, as it was amazing. And then Jane said "you are in transition... what did you do when you were in transition with Lucy's birth?" (WOW even as I retype this writing I realize the shamanicness of Jane's approach with me while I was in transition. Jane helped me access a time and space of consciousness where I had instinctively known what was needed next. She had allowed me to access the time and space of Lucy's birth experience to enable me to know what I need to do in my drum journey.)
I said, "I got up out of the pool and I moved around." Jane said to me "get up you need to move, get up and move around."
I had to move I needed to assist this intense energy and pain. As I got up I realised I could feel the same pressure that I experienced in Lucy’s birth in my pelvis & back. So as I move around Jane continues her midwifing and says to me, "What you are in your birth is really who you are. It is the extent of what you are." And with that, all the understanding came rushing in. The understanding that I hold a great strength and inner knowing. Gifts that are needed for this journey ahead. And that your level of uncertainty matches the level of your gift that resides within you. The enormity of the gifts matches the enormity of the fear.
So in the understanding I was ready for my birth. My entrance into shamanic midwifery. And as this happened a weight had lifted from me. All the pressure had gone. The gentle massaging of the Hyde had allowed an easy entrance for the completion of the drum. The Hyde was ready and the weaving begun. It was so easy. All of the strings came together in their own unique way. I had groups of 3, 6, 4 and five. But it didn't matter because what evolved was still beautiful. It was amazingly symbolic of how I live my life. It seems as much as I would have liked to, I have never done anything in the right order. But I have learnt that the orders & rules I was trying to live up to was societal laws that were not governed by me. Following rules greatly inhibits my growth.
The physical manifestation of my progress was my drum.
For on completion there in the Hyde on the reverse of my drum was the shape of the Divine Feminine. The way I had threaded it had unknowingly created the shape of a womb, the cup, a symbol of the true feminine beauty. There for me to look at every time I play my drum, but also to remind me of my journey and the role that I have accepted.
